New member needed

Position: Warzone Squad Member (Full-Time, Evenings)

Company: Turd Fergusons

Location: Remote (Headset Required)

Compensation: Unpaid

About Us:

We’re a tight-knit squad of 3 (formerly 4) looking to fill a vacancy left by a teammate who apparently has “things to do”. We wish him well in his future endeavors.

Role Summary:

You will attempt to steal kills, make noise when we are listening for footsteps, but most importantly show up. That last part is non-negotiable. You must respond to “Mike.” You will be the Mike of the group.

Responsibilities:

• Be online when you say you’ll be online
• Ping enemies instead of just saying “he’s over there”
• Respects the rules of calling “last game” before the last game

Requirements:

• K/D ratio: negotiable. Attendance: not
• Working microphone (push-to-talk if you’re a heavy breather)
• Must not have “work tomorrow” more than twice per week
• Must use his mini-map and never ask “where are you guys”

Preferred Qualifications:

• Can drive a vehicle without killing the whole squad
• Has never uttered the words “I’ll be on in 10” and then gone to bed
• Does not turn into a camp-lord when last man standing. Buy us back.
• Willingness to buy themed skins is a plus

About the Candidate You’re Replacing:
Great guy. Terrible availability. If you see a posting from someone looking for a new squad, that’s him. Don’t tell him about this listing. Actually, do tell him. That’s the whole point.

To Apply:

Send your Activision ID and a 200-word essay on why you won’t ghost us.